Sex should be a complete gift of self from one spouse to the other; do you have possession of yourself? BONUS - Examination of Conscience for Married Couples: Intimacy Edition
Have I entered into the act, knowing I would be distracted (aka: not fully present mentally)?
Have I entered into the act, knowing I felt negatively towards my spouse (aka: not fully present emotionally)?
Have I engaged in sexual behavior without intentions of having sex?
Do I value pleasure over closeness to my spouse?
Have I used sex as a form of medication (i.e. having sex just to alleviate feelings of depression/anxiety)?
I’m not sure these are wrong. Sometimes it’s best to just do it, even if we’re stressed, our mind is in a different place. Sometimes sex can bring you together when you’re feeling negative about your spouse and could be very helpful.
With regard to using it to feel better, I think ask long as you’re entering into it without contraception etc, we don’t need to be scrupulous about why we want it. We can’t fully control how we feel, as long as the act is a full self gift, we shouldn’t tie ourselves in knots wondering if we fully did it for the right reasons.
Hey! Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
As far as your objections, I understand where you are coming from, but it is not scrupulous to ask ourselves what our intentions are. We can know what they are. It just requires asking the question during prayer. If any of our actions are reducing our spouse to an object for use (such as engaging in sexual behavior without intentions of having sex, which is actually condemned by Church teaching), we are not loving or receiving them fully. Intimacy takes work sometimes, but that's a beautiful thing. When it is treated with reverence and care, it will be a gift to a couple. One thing I really wanted to highlight with this post is that it is not merely a lack of contraception that we should aim for in this area of our marriage. There's a lot of freedom when one can say that the desire for intimacy is rooted in closeness, rather than desire (since desire fluctuates, especially for many women...when I say this, I'm not saying anything about whether one finds their spouse attractive or good-looking).
All that said - we also cannot overthink, as you said. I just find it of the utmost importance that we bring questions such as the ones I shared to prayer to purify our intentions. :)
Great article! Thank you.
Have I entered into the act, knowing I would be distracted (aka: not fully present mentally)?
Have I entered into the act, knowing I felt negatively towards my spouse (aka: not fully present emotionally)?
Have I engaged in sexual behavior without intentions of having sex?
Do I value pleasure over closeness to my spouse?
Have I used sex as a form of medication (i.e. having sex just to alleviate feelings of depression/anxiety)?
I’m not sure these are wrong. Sometimes it’s best to just do it, even if we’re stressed, our mind is in a different place. Sometimes sex can bring you together when you’re feeling negative about your spouse and could be very helpful.
With regard to using it to feel better, I think ask long as you’re entering into it without contraception etc, we don’t need to be scrupulous about why we want it. We can’t fully control how we feel, as long as the act is a full self gift, we shouldn’t tie ourselves in knots wondering if we fully did it for the right reasons.
Hey! Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
As far as your objections, I understand where you are coming from, but it is not scrupulous to ask ourselves what our intentions are. We can know what they are. It just requires asking the question during prayer. If any of our actions are reducing our spouse to an object for use (such as engaging in sexual behavior without intentions of having sex, which is actually condemned by Church teaching), we are not loving or receiving them fully. Intimacy takes work sometimes, but that's a beautiful thing. When it is treated with reverence and care, it will be a gift to a couple. One thing I really wanted to highlight with this post is that it is not merely a lack of contraception that we should aim for in this area of our marriage. There's a lot of freedom when one can say that the desire for intimacy is rooted in closeness, rather than desire (since desire fluctuates, especially for many women...when I say this, I'm not saying anything about whether one finds their spouse attractive or good-looking).
All that said - we also cannot overthink, as you said. I just find it of the utmost importance that we bring questions such as the ones I shared to prayer to purify our intentions. :)